Tirza Schaefer: Romance Author & Goddess Facilitator
Philotes
I love to explore the Divine Feminine and write about Goddesses. For a list of those, click on the link: Goddesses. In order to become more balanced within ourselves and, through that, to bring greater balance and harmony to the world around us, we must find greater balance between the masculine and feminine energies within ourselves that each one of us possesses, regardless of physical gender or any other ways of self-identification.
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Bringer of Light, Born from Night
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Philotes is a minor, in my personal estimation vastly undervalued, Greek Goddess, who represents the human traits of affection, friendship, sexual and social intercourse. She is the daughter of Nyx (Night) and some of her siblings are Apate (Deceit), Nemesis (Indignation), and Eris (Strife), according to Hesiod’s Theogony. In Roman culture, her parentage is attributed to Nox (Night) and Erebus (Darkness). She was also sometimes referred to as one of the daimones, spirits, personifying human traits, rather than a Goddess.
According to Stephen Scully (on Hesiod, 2015), she is one of the driving forces behind creation, as described by Empedocles, where she is paired together with Eris (Feuds), symbolising the opposing forces of good and evil. Felix M. Cleve (2013) also states that Empedocles identifies Philotes with Kypris, another name for Aphrodite, and goes on to describe how Philotes feels hurt and offended by life-destroying offerings and demands the abstention from animal sacrifices.
A wonderful Goddess to work with not only for love, sexuality and friendship, but also for vegans who only eat plant-based foods or for those who want to embrace a more animal-friendly lifestyle in general.
Expanding Your Capacity to Love
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Philotes has been with me for a long time before she deemed the time right for me to connect more deeply and write about her. To me, Philotes in one of the unsung heroes in the world of deities, gentle, loving, yet infinitely powerful as her very essence is the foundation of community, love and friendship. Even though sexual intercourse is involved in her traits, Philotes isn’t about burning passion or, in contrast, familial love. She represents the warmth of a close friend, the loyalty of a comrade-in-arms, the gentle tenderness of a comforting hug, and the pleasantries of positive social connection.
In a pantheon rife with war and drama, as the Greek one is, Philotes stands out through her gentleness and life-affirming basic humanity by encouraging people to simply get along with each other and make community a source of safety, belonging and empowerment.
She isn’t mentioned often or in dramatic ways, no depictions of her survived. And yet, in a world full of division and hatred, her message is more urgent than ever, appealing to our core humanity, our empathy and capacity to love and respect one another, despite our individual differences. Where there is violence, she preaches harmony, where there is displacement, she calls for shelter. Where there is condemnation, she asks us to go into our own hearts, find the way of love, freedom and holding space for those who are marginalised and need a feeling of love, acceptance and belonging the most.
Her Loving Embrace
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In this sense, marriage, not in the institutionalised sense, but the coming together of hearts in love and building a life together in a close, loving, mutually respectful relationship, whichever form this may take, is part of it. Sexuality here is the bonding of hearts and souls, the bringing together of bodies in deep love, and in some cases, of course, the creation of new life, not only in creating a family but also into the community. Philotes is about creation out of love, and this doesn’t always have to be the literal sense, as in babies. You can create an environment of peace, of love and belonging. You can create a safe space for the members of your community to feel seen, heard and protected. You can create art, projects and so much more, not only by yourself, but as a communal effort that bonds you all more deeply.
It wasn’t by coincidence that she came back to me to write about her just after I received some profoundly loving and healing support from a group of friends of mine I went online with for one of our monthly Zoom call chats, where I shed some tears over an emotional challenge that moved me deeply. Feeling held, supported and having a sacred loving space without any judgement, only empathy, brought about a deep healing for me, a feeling of safety and belonging I had struggled to reach for most of my life.
Now I know, the Goddess Philotes was there, holding me in her loving embrace, which I felt as a physical sensation when we connected a few days after. The feeling of not having to do it all alone, being the strong one against the odds, the warrior, but being able to lean into that love for support, guidance and being vulnerable, where it was okay to feel weak for a moment and deriving new strength from the gifts bestowed upon me made all the difference, not only regarding the particular issue I was struggling with emotionally. It made me feel supported and belonging on a universal level, both in the circle of my amazing friends, as well as in my communion with Philotes herself.
Strength & Comfort through Soul Connection
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And this is her power, comfort and renewed strength, friendship and soul connection that leads to a heightened sense of community where you can rest your weary head and let your heart flow and open to give and receive without having to pretend to be strong all the time, to be someone else, to be accepted in all your human facets and fullness.
Philotes brings you that love in individuals and communities that are based on empathy and a desire to include all its members equally without prejudice or condemnation for any perceived differences. She shows us the path to a happier life, not only for ourselves and our partners, but all the people surrounding us in smaller and greater numbers, from a circle of friends to a greater community where mutual support and seeking win-win solutions is the norm as opposed to marginalisation and systemic oppression.
Philotes showed me that this isn’t merely an idealistic fantasy but can be a lived experience when we all reach out to extend a hand in loving friendship. And as gentle as my personal experience with her was, it was deeply powerful and profoundly healing.
Tarot Card
Crystals
Rose Quartz, Garnet, Blue Topaz, Emerald, Rose Aura Quartz, Kunzite, Pink Agate, Peach Selenite, Strawberry Quartz, Green Aventurine, Malachite, Citrine, Black Obsidian, Carnelian, Chrysocolla
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